It has become apparent that I am a confusing person. In my last two posts I provided a link for everyone to click on to find out what I needed to hear. I didn't type what I needed to hear because I was feeling so emotional about it....Now I feel a little better so I'll just spell it out for everyone. This is going to be a long one.
I've been very conflicted lately. I'm a full time working mother of one with another baby girl on the way. My husband does not make a lot of money. Daycare for two costs as much as my mortgage. What is a girl to do? Weeks and weeks ago I went to the temple to find out just that. As I was sitting in the chapel waiting for our session to start I got the strong impression that I just needed to quit my job and be home with my babies. It felt good to finally have an answer!!! I had been struggling with it for so long! So after the session Mike and I talked about our feelings and we were both totally on the same page. It was decided that I was going to quit my job and we would find some way to make it work. I told the baby sitters that we would not be coming back after I had the baby but I held off on telling my work.
Fast forward about two weeks. Our air conditioner breaks. Mike goes to the dentist and has to have $2,400 worth of dental work done. Our little window a/c unit we were using while waiting for the a/c repair man to get our a/c fixed leaks water and we don't notice it. Before you know it the entire wall underneath our window is soaking wet and has to be torn out and replaced. I found out that the cost of having a child has doubled since we had Mylie (you'd think I would have figured that out before now but hey, I've had a lot on my mind!). Mike gets a speeding ticket and last by not least, the ceiling fan in Mylie's room just falls out of the ceiling leaving a big hole for us to fix. It was an awesome time. So naturally I start to worry about the cost of all this stuff and I freak out and decide that I will HAVE to go back to work full time. No if's and's or but's about it. I cried and cried. I tried to figure something else out but nothing came to mind. Mike and I prayed about it and to be honest with you I still had the feeling that I should try to stay home but I just couldn't see how it was going to work so I fought it. How would we pay for the baby? We have savings but how long would it really last us? I decided on a compromise (not a good idea when you're dealing with the Lord, by the way). I asked my work if they would let me come back part time instead of full time. They were thinking it over and Mike and I decided if they let me come back part time that was what I was going to do. If they wanted me to come back full time I was just going to quit. They have been chewing on it for a week now and I still don't know what they are thinking....
In the meantime I'm starting to feel pretty good about the decision to leave it up to what the boss man says and I'm feeling a little bit more peace. Then out of nowhere, I get a call from an old boss. He wants me to come work for him as a branch manager. Full time. It would be an awesome pay raise, which we could really use right about now, and I'd be working for a great company. All I could do was cry. I felt like I was taking one step forward and ten steps back. Why was this happening right now?! I didn't want to say no because I was afraid I'd burn the bridge but at the same time the timing was horrible! At work last Monday I cried for the better part of the day. I know it seems so simple, just quit, that was the answer you got in the temple and you've felt good about it since, but I feel like it must not be right if all these things keep happening.
Every day I check the
NieNie Dialogues because if she can make it through her trials, I can certainly make it through mine. I like to read her blog because it reminds me that life isn't as bad as I think it is. Anyway, she had a post about Tender Mercies and how the Lord provides them when we feel overwhelmed in life. I needed to be reminded of the tender mercies the Lord provides me with. In her post about tender mercies, she had a link to another bloggers blog. This blogger lost her 18 month old daughter in July and she wrote a post titled "Is there anything you would do differently?" and it got me thinking....If I were to loose a child would I have regrets? Of course I would! I would have the huge regret of not being with my child when I knew I should have been! I've cried so many tears over this decision but I decided that I have to tell my old boss no and hope it doesn't burn a bridge. I can't work full time with two babies. I don't want to work full time with two babies.
I just needed a little reminder about what is more important in life and what really matters. I love Mylie, and I love this new little one and I want to be with them. I want to nurture them. I want to be the one to make them mac and cheese for lunch and color a picture with them. And guess what, I'm going to be the one who gets to do all of that!!
If you want to read the post that has changed my mind about things click
here. Read the comments too. This family has touched a lot of people, including myself.
Mylie and Uncle Colton
Opening presents
My mom made this castle cake for Mylie! I thought she did an awesome job and Mylie was thrilled!!!
Don't you think she makes a cute Cinderella?! She had to wear the dress the rest of the day!
